Let me bring you to a situation that you’ve most likely been in. You’ve been dating a girl for about a month or two and it seems like things are going well. Then, one night she asks to have a “talk”.
In this “talk”, you encounter the barrage of Womanspeak unlike the which you’ve never seen. How the “vibe isn’t right”, how it’s “not you it’s her”, and the ilk. You should know where things are going at this point. Even though she probably isn’t outright saying it, it’s true – things are over.
Then, after the official breaking up, she hits you with this curveball.
“I hope we can still be friends.”
I swear that statement must be the most studied and most inconclusive statement in the history of Womanspeak. Why? Because it’s incredibly deceiving.
For example. Three of my relationships broke up, and I was given this proposition of being friends. It hurt like hell to break up, and of course I still had feelings. So I accepted. Please note in ALL three cases, with ALL three women of different ages and backgrounds, the Friend Zone just did not work out. Why? Because they either lost touch with me, went with someone else immediately afterward or worse, treated me as a male girlfriend. The Friend Zone is dangerous and 99.9% of the time ends up in pain.
When you reach the friend zone, there’s no going back. I’ve heard exceptions, but if you’re broken and lonely, you probably don’t want the person responsible to be your friend. So why do it? Because you WANT to be that exception.
In my personal experience, it’s not worth it. If you heard the friend proposition, your response should be “Thanks, but I have enough friends.”, cut your loses, and go. It’s going to hurt to leave them for good, but it will be a lot better in the long run. The Friend Zone poses too many problems to try and inhabit. Sooner or later, your emotions will get the best of you as a “friend”.
So why do women do this? I’m no expert, but I claim that the main reason has to be is that they don’t want to hurt the male ego even more. They know it hurts to break up and how you possibly feel. But they don’t want to come to the realization that they should bow out of your life for good. The solution? Be friends. And since men take up this offer constantly just to be the stooge in the background, they think it won’t have any bad effect on you whatsoever. They’ll move on! they say. Right.
Another reason is because with that person on the background, they have a backup in case they breakup with another dude. This is why a lot of guys accept the Friend Zone: as a fallback. To those guys I say, why bother? Is it REALLY that worth it? Is your self-esteem and self-worth that low? Please. Not to mention there are those girls who keep stringing along guys until they have five to ten bozos in the background vying for her attention. And you know she likes that. Don’t be a schlub.
This is why, as a man, you should bow up gracefully first. Studies show that the dumper usually suffers less than the dumpee. Don’t grovel or accept less. It’ll hurt you. Don’t be fooled by the tempation that is the Friend Zone.
