The Kiss Test

If at the end of the second date you are unsure where you stand, then it is time to administer the Kiss Test. If you are having trouble gauging her interest (hint: touching you is good) despite you doing everything by the book, then you need to make sure where your status is.

One of the many reason I started this blog was to spill out my personal experiences along the way and match them up to the ideals of “The System”. This past weekend I had a second date with a girl when I wondered where I stood. Usually, the second date is a good watermark since guys often get blown out on the first. She gave me a second but I still noticed she was cold towards me. She wanted to meet up but didn’t seem entirely into it. During lunch, we talked but she looked away at the wall decor often. (Guess that was more interesting. Oh well.)

As I walked her to her car, we said our goodbyes. I then tried to kiss her. She turned her head.

This, in case you were wondering, is a surefire sign that your chance was/is over.

Curious, I talked to her the next day to ask for clarification and I was fed a line. I bid her good evening and it was officially over.

Now I could dedicate a billion word post on why I failed. But let’s say the chief reason was that I didn’t follow “The System” 100%. (Not really my fault… I stumbled upon it a few weeks after meeting her.) She also lived far away from me. Note: long distance relationships DO NOT work out. Get this now before you regret it.

But let’s get to brass tacks here… why the kiss test?

Following the second date, if you aren’t feeling a bunch of buying signals and seeing more red flags (such as lack of touch, or her showing more interest in the wall) then you know that it’s time to get out.

You’re probably asking that this is a good chance to embarrass yourself. So? You know if you didn’t kiss and just let things be, she will milk you for a few more dates and that’ll be that. Not only but your interest in her will only rise and you’ll be love struck. Too bad it’s only one sided. It hurt to get the truth but I effectively put an end to something that was only going to waste more of my time, energy, effort and money.

Do me a favor: don’t administer this test after the first date. Too early, plus she might have the jitters too. You could… but it might weird her out. After the second date you’ll be more comfortable. In today’s day and age, kissing ain’t major. So it shouldn’t be an issue to do it.

I could also expand this part into another post but I’ll tackle it just a little bit here. The million dollar question: why does a woman who doesn’t want to date anyone decide to date you? If she said she isn’t interested in dating yet goes out with you a few times… doesn’t this contradict?

For logical thinking men, this is contradicting. She isn’t really lying though… she’s just not completing the sentence. (“You’re a nice guy, I’m sorry, blah blah, but I’m not interesting in dating/a relationship… with you.) This is all it boils down to.

Keep this in mind: some women are bored. Some women want to use guys for free meals and have nothing to do. It sucks, and I know. These are what we call Professional Daters. I’m certain this girl was one. Once you’re fairly convinced you have one, stop wasting your time and move on to another girl.

The old me would’ve not kissed her, thought things were fine since we were hanging out, went along with it, raised my interest over time, a few more lousy dates then… BAM. Why hurt a lot when you can hurt a little earlier on and not waste more time? I wish there was a non-hurt option but no dice. But if you keep your ear to the door and look for good AND bad signs you’ll get out earlier, you can dump HER for a chance (!) and ultimately feel better. The male ego trusts his gut feeling when it’s positive, but ignores or rationalizes when it’s negative. Get smart and start listening to yourself.

Closing the Deal

Closing is a concept that I’ve recently introduced to my friends when they’ve brought up failure when finishing a conversation with a woman they were interested in. They never seem to close, I said, and that’s important. If you’re talking to a girl that you are interested in, you have to get her phone number. Or else you’ll regret it and the moment is gone.

Asking for the number is a quick way to gauge a girl’s interest. If you get a delay then you know she’s most likely not too interested. If she spits out the digits immediately, then you know she’s very interested. Again, it’s a good way to see how she feels about you after a short conversation.

Now remember – just because you got the number doesn’t mean you are immediately “in”. You still have work to do. She may be trying to just be nice to you. (Of course, saying the word “no” doesn’t cross her mind as being nice. She’d rather lead you on.) And no one says you have ever really have to call her, but if you’re interested, do what you feel. Waiting a few days is the norm, but I suggest you wait longer, like 5-9 days to call her. The reason is that you want to build the mystery.

Guys will come up with various reasons not to close. Shyness and fear of rejection are the top reasons. If a girl initiates a conversation with you, then you know that she finds you good-looking and wants to talk. You gotta close in that regard, unless she brings up a boyfriend or husband.

Closing is important. If you want to get anywhere, you got to remember to do it.

Conversation = Light + Funny

I know, it can be hard to figure out just what to talk about on a date. Especially it’s the first or second or even third one. Guys use this opportunity to blab about how exciting they all are. They are making a strong sell, but this can turn women off. Why? Because they like to talk.

No sexism implied (never on this blog), but they just do. Talking is one thing though. You have to listen. If you slip up and forget a detail and are somehow tested (yes, tested) on it later, it’ll have a significant impact on your chances. In a negative way.

Try to steer the conversation away from depressing subjects. And, as always, AVOID religion and politics, especially if they get too hairy. The key is to keep it light and funny. A sense of humor is a must.

You must also be confident. This should go without saying. You shouldn’t apologize a billion times after every little slip-up or dominate a conversation. Give it some breathing room. If you seem bored or not interested in this girl, don’t flaunt this fact. Yes, go along till the end of the date and if you aren’t satisfied then you know it’s time to cut the cord.

Girls also like doing something that no one seems to understand: bring up exes. This is most likely a test to gauge your reaction. Again, have a snappy comeback ready and remember to change the subject. If it keeps happening, state bluntly that you don’t really appreciate it. If she doesn’t get the hint, she’s out. Again… a mystery why they bring this up. But this doesn’t mean you have to take it.

As always on a date, be curious. Pay for things, open doors, pull out the chair. Dress nice. Be a gentlemen. It’s sad to see these qualities fade as generations past, but it’s something you have to shoot for. There’s confidence and then there’s just not caring at all.

The first date is your first big test. If they schedule a second, you breathe SLIGHTLY easier. Keep the conversation light without giving your entire life story and you’ll increase interest.